How do you start all over? How do you know when it is time for a change? How can you forget the past without having it affect you so much for the present and the future?

I finally take the big leap out into the big world and landed on the other side of the country. I am now residing on the WEST COAST! I could never imagine myself doing this but I guess that I finally got up the courage to do such a thing. Along with this big move I have a lot of things on my to-do list. I have to find a job and then establish myself with a network. I am also trying to get myself back to school but I would like to first be able to financially take care of myself. I may be here in California and I do have family here but it's not the same. First and foremost, my biggest hurdle to day is my family. I miss them dearly. I spent my whole life with them and dedicating most of my time doing what I can for them. I was the go-to person of the family for everything and I do mean everything. I also got out of a very intense and long relationship with someone who had taught me a lot about myself. That would be the second thing that I would have to work on which is my relationship issues. I need to know that I can depend on myself because this move was to WORK ON ME, to MAKE ME HAPPY, to ESTABLISH ME, and just to FIND OUT WHO I AM. A lot, eh? A little more complicated than I thought it would be before I embarked on this journey of mine. I always figured that I was a strong person. I mean I have seen a major improvement but I feel there is something slowing me down. What that can be is no where in sight and leaves me confused. I want to be able to do this on my own but I am finally breaking down. I do not think I can handle this.

It is okay to admit your faults? I mean I was hoping to feel a little more relief to this but I only added more to my to-do list. What am I to do? I am going crazy here trying to figure out what I am to do. I am here alone and I know I need to make an effort to meet new people. However I feel that this issue needs a friend who I can trust with such a delicate situation. You come to this place where most people are bonded either through school or through family. In the area in which I am staying at where would you go and meet new people? This day and age how do you make friends without technology. I care not to find friends online but meeting people up front casually without any network or social ties now seems out of place awkward to many people. I am so scared of getting hurt in so many levels and now with friends. I am so aware of the damage to myself if I do not come out of my shell. I hate how society can make such a simple thing like making casual friends such a hassle. I mean people perceived as being needy or lonely but is it not right to make friends? I feel so overwhelmed with these stupid scenarios of how other people will think of me. I am one hell of a head case here. What to do.. what to do??

I am trying to be strong here. Letting out my feelings here will most likely help me. I need to understand what is going through my mind. We shall how the progress goes.. I hope it will go smoothly. Wish me luck and be aware of the rest of my crazy stories ahead of me.